March 18

Q: What did the lions say before going out to hunt the LDS missionaries?

A: Let us prey.

The LDS missionaries in a small European town had been struggling with the anti-Mormon attitude of the local preacher. One day, they came face to face with the preacher on a street that was too narrow for two to pass. Pulling himself up to his full height, the preacher haughtily exclaimed, "I never make way for fools!" Stepping to one side, the smiling senior companion said, "We always do."

(MormonZone.com)

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Sister Cahoon told some of her relatives, “It seems that my teenage daughter can’t find anything to wear in a closet full of clothes, and my teenage son can’t find anything to eat in a refrigerator full of food.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 136)

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You are probably a Latter-day Saint if:

Twice a year, you take a break from your normal Sunday routine and stay home to watch church on TV, in your pajamas.

The only things you have hunted for on Sunday were your car keys. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 109)

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Clyde Fitch tells the following story of the famous artist Whistler. Whistler was in Paris at the time of the coronation of King Edward, and at a reception one evening, a duchess said to him, “I believe you know King Edward, Mr. Whistler.”

“No, madame,” replied Whistler.

“Why, that is odd,” she said. “I met the King at a dinner party last month, and he said that he knew you.”

“Oh,” said the painter, “he was just boasting.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 203)

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President Stone told Elder J. Golden Kimball that most of the seventies in his Stake were inactive. Elder Kimball asked him to try to get them all to conference when he came to talk at the Stake Conference. President Stone went to work, and nearly every seventy in the Stake came to the meeting. In his talk, Elder Kimball said, “You men are like me. You have been ordained to the priesthood of God in this Church, and you made a covenant with God, and you can’t resign unless you leave the Church. We need to pull together. Suppose I do everything the Lord wants me to do, and when I leave this life, He says, ‘Good boy, Golden, go on up there.’ And I am exalted to the highest place, and you people lag behind. What fun can I have up there talking to myself, knowing that you fellows are stuck in the mud some place.” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 97)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 65

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 65