March 28

The bishop was conducting a Priesthood meeting. He was trying to teach the doctrine of the Celestial Kingdom. He asked one of the Brethren, “Do you want to go the Celestial Kingdom?”

The man said, "I do bishop."

The bishop said, "Could you stand over there against the wall for a minute." Then the Bishop asked the second man, "Do you want to go to the Celestial Kingdom?"

"Certainly, bishop," was the man's reply.

"Could you stand over there against the wall with John," said the bishop.

Then the bishop walked up to Brother Smith and said, "Do you want to go to the Celestial Kingdom?"

Brother Smith said, "No, I don't."

The bishop said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to the Celestial Kingdom?"

Brother Smith said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."


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Ward Newsletter Blunders:

Our opening song will be “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”

Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help. (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 142)

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After giving something to Deseret Industries, you will decide the very next day that you still really need it.

After buying it back from Deseret Industries, you decide you didn’t need it any way, so it sits in the corner for another year. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 113)

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When David O. McKay was nearly fourteen, he received his patriarchal blessing, in which he was told that he would sit in council with his brethren and preside among the people. After giving the blessing, the stake patriarch rested his hands on David’s shoulders and said, “My boy, you have something to do besides playing marbles.”

Young David went into the kitchen, where he found his mother preparing dinner, and announced, “If he thinks I am going to stop playing marbles, he is mistaken.” (Highlights from the Life of David O. McKay, 26). (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 213)

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In his last years, J. Golden Kimball met a friend in the street who said to him, “How are you, Golden? How are you getting along?”

J. Golden: “Well, to tell the truth, I’m not doing so good. Getting old and tired. You know, Seth, I have been preaching this gospel nigh on to sixty years now, and I think it is about time for me to go over to the other side and find out how much of what I have been saying is true.” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 116)

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Mission Moments , p. 76

Mission Moments, p. 76