March 30

What did one potato chip say to the other potato chip?

“Want to go for a dip?”

How do you fix a broken pizza?

Try using tomato paste.

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Ward Newsletter Blunders:

Bishop Jones spoke briefly, much to the delight of the congregation.

Homemaking this week will meet at 7 p.m. The topic is weight management. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance. (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 142)

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Within a month after declaring to the Bishop, “I love my calling,” you will be released.

Within three months of buying a new van, you will be called to serve as Scoutmaster, and wish you had kept your old van. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 114)

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An elderly sister wanted to get her temple recommend renewed, and she planned to tell the Bishop about all her shortcomings. To make sure she didn’t forget anything, she wrote them all down on a list. When she got to the Bishop’s office, she handed him the paper. “Here is what I need to talk to you about,” she said.

The Bishop glanced down at the paper. “Eggs?” he said. “Cheese?”

The sister took the paper back, looked at it, and exclaimed, “Good gracious! I must have left my sins at the grocery store!” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 215)

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J. Golden Kimball: I went to a young doctor and had a thorough examination. This young doctor did not believe in God or the devil. I told him I was a “Mormon.”

After the examination he said, “You are in pretty bad shape. You will never get better.”

I said, “Oh, yes, I think I will. I have a greater physician than you are.”

He said, “Who is he?”

I replied, “The Lord Jesus Christ.”

He turned to me and said, “Oh, well, there is nothing in all that nonsense.”

The young doctor drowned last year, and I am still alive. (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 129)

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So, You’re a Primary Teacher?,  P. 32

So, You’re a Primary Teacher?, P. 32