March 3

Do they have a fourth of July in England?

Yes, they have a third, fifth, and sixth also.

The archaeologist who said he found a gold coin marked 26 B.C. couldn’t be telling the truth. Why?

They didn’t know “before Christ” when He would come. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 27)

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When five-year-old Josh was saying his evening prayer with his mother, he said, “Our Father who art in heaven, how do you know my name?” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 125)

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Question: What do you get when you cross Rip Van Winkle with a gospel scholar?

Answer: An early morning seminary student.

If you produced a movie about Ammon and the sons of Mosiah, you could title it “Mission Possible.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 101)

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When the other fellow takes a long time to do something, he’s slow. When I take a long time to do something, I’m thorough. When the other fellow states his side of a question strongly, he is bullheaded. When I state a side of a question strongly, I’m being firm. When the other fellow gets ahead, he sure had the lucky breaks. When I get ahead, man, hard work did that! (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 189)

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J. Golden Kimball thrived on Karl G. Maeser’s sayings and philosophies. Some of them were:

“School is a drill for the battle of life; if you fail in the drill, you will fail in the battle.”

“Everyone of you, sooner or later, must stand at the forks of the road and choose between personal interests and some principle of right.”

“Be yourself--but always your better self.”

“No man shall be more exacting of me or my conduct than I am of myself.” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 20)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 58

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 58