March 31

What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?

Nacho cheese.

Why did the man go into the pizza business?

To make some dough.

What do bakers put on their beds?

Cookie sheets.

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Ward Newsletter Blunders:

On a Fast Sunday, the opening song was listed as: “Because We Have Been Given Mush.”

Eight new choir dresses are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members, and to the deterioration of some of the older ones. (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 143)

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Your toddler will never want the quiet book you brought to church, as much as the one belonging to the child in the next row.

After preparing the best talk you will probably ever give, the speaker ahead of you will use up most of the time. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 114)

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This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.

Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 218)

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J. Golden Kimball suffered from malaria while on his mission to the Southern States: When Brother Morgan came down and relieved Brother Roberts, I was still in the office, looking worse than ever. Brother Morgan looked me over carefully. He said, “Brother Kimball, you better go home. The mission is very hard run for money. It will only cost twenty-four dollars to send you home alive, but it will cost three hundred to send you home dead.” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 132)

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