March 4

If you had only one match and entered a room where there was a lamp, an oil heater, and some kindling wood, which would you light first? The match.

When was money first mentioned in the Bible?

When the dove brought the “green back” to Noah. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 27)

* * * * *

After returning from his mission, Terry took his girlfriend to supper and to a show at the theater. After thanking her for going, he started to leave the front porch.

Sweetly, the girlfriend said, “Didn’t you forget something?”

“Oh--yes,” he replied. “We need to have a word of prayer.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 125)

* * * * *

If you directed a movie about Amalickiah’s rise to power, you might title it “The Lyin’ King.”

If a movie is ever made about the prophecies of Isaiah, it might be titled “Way Back to the Future.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 102)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball: For the last few weeks, I have been reading platforms and pledges and promises of political parties, which if carried out would suffice for this nation for at least 1,000 years (Conference Report, Oct. 1912, 26).

“Congress is so strange,” commented Boris Marshalov, a Russian actor and dramatic coach, after a visit to the spectators’ gallery of the House of Representatives. “A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens---and then everybody disagrees.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 193)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball’s father, Heber C. Kimball, had been driven by mobs from his home five times, and found it hard to love his enemies. When J. Golden asked him if he would pray for them, Heber answered, “Sure, I’ll pray for our enemies! I pray they may all go to hell.” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 33)

* * * * *

Mission Moments , p. 7

Mission Moments, p. 7