March 7

Mrs. Henderson: “How are you doing today?”

Mrs. Anderson: “Not so good.”

Mrs. Henderson: “What’s the trouble?”

Mrs. Anderson: “I have a really bad cold.”

Mrs. Henderson: “Is it positive or negative?”

Mrs. Anderson: “What do you mean by that?”

Mrs. Henderson: “Do the eyes (I’s) have it or the nose (no’s)?”

(G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 71)

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A Teachers Quorum instructor asked the boys, “Which of all the miracles that Jesus did, do you like the best?”

One of the young men smiled and said: “The one where everyone ‘loafs’ and ‘fishes.’” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 131)

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Question: What do you get when you cross Superman with Cupid?

Answer: A kind loving Bishop.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 105)

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Charles W. Penrose: I remember a story told of a man who made a bet with a friend of his that he could not repeat the Lord’s Prayer. The man said he could, and the bet was made. When the man was asked to repeat the Lord’s Prayer, he said:

“Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep;

And if I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.”

The other man said, “Well, the money is yours; but I didn’t believe you could do it.” (Conference Report, Oct. 1906, 52). (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 195)

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J. Golden Kimball was downtown at the Rotisserie eating dinner one day with a fairly large group of friends, mostly lawyers, and he was seated at the end of the table. The waiter came around to take his order first. Well, he ordered his dinner and the waiter wrote it down, and then he said, “What will you have to drink?”

Brother Kimball in a very weak voice said, “Water.”

The fellow sitting next to him, not a member of the Church, touched the waiter and said, “Oh, bring him coffee. He likes coffee.”

So the waiter wrote it down and went on around the table. Brother Golden didn’t say anything until the waiter was down at the other end of the table, and then he quietly said to himself, “The Lord heard me say ‘water.’” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 44)

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