March 8

Why did the lady go outdoors with her purse open?

Because she expected some change in the weather.

What is the hardest work some people do before breakfast?

Getting up. (ChurchofJesusChrist.org, “Riddles and Jokes”)

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Two college coeds were talking about their previous night’s date. One explained what happened on her date with a returned missionary. She said, “The night was beautiful, the moon was so romantic and bright that you could read the scriptures.”

The other asked anxiously, “What did your date do?”

“He read the scriptures.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 132)

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Jonah, finally back on shore, wiping himself off: “Disobedience stinks!”

Brigham Young in Missouri: “This is not the right place yet.”

Brigham Young in Illinois: “This is still not the right place.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 107)

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In 1974, while attending an open house of the Washington Temple, Spencer W. Kimball was invited to offer the invocation in the United States Senate. Only a few senators were present, however, as most of the others were in committee meetings. When someone apologized that so few were there to hear the prayer, President Kimball responded, “That’s all right. I was not going to pray to them anyway” (Kimball, “Spencer W. Kimball,” BYU Studies 25 [4]: 68) (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 197)

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J. Golden Kimball: I am going to read to you a little that has been called from the Bible as to the mission of Christ. I would quote it, but I never dare quote scripture, for after I get through quoting, you wouldn’t recognize it. I am a little like my Father. When he used to quote scripture, he would say, “Well, if that isn’t in the Bible, it ought to be.” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 51)

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