March 9

Where will you find the center of “graVity?

At the letter “V”

What is the best way to make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one of them is a match.

(ChurchofJesusChrist.org, “Riddles and Jokes”)

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The following story was told by Elder A. Theodore Tuttle, a member of the First Council of the Seventy, about Bruce R. McConkie, a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles, who passed away in 1985.

Elder Tuttle said, “In those days there was a rumor going about the Church that Elder McConkie knew hundreds of scriptures from memory...When people would say, ‘Doesn’t Elder McConkie know hundreds of scriptures?’ We would say, ‘No, he does not. That is a falsehood. He only knows four scriptures: The Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price!’” (An Address, July 19, 1981, Provo Temple Workers Meeting, p. 10) (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 132)

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Joseph Smith Jr. at age 7: “Mom, everyone confuses my name with Dad’s. Will I ever be known as me?”

Noah, below deck: “Whew! I wish we had left the skunks with the unicorns!” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 107)

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A man all wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.

A fierce young lion, wanting to establish his leadership, went through the jungle asking the other animals, “Who’s the king here?”

The first animal, the gazelle, answered, “You, O mighty lion.”

The next animal, a chimpanzee, answered the same way, “You, O mighty lion.”

The third animal, an irritable old elephant, took the lion in his trunk, whirled him around, and threw him twenty feet. The lion staggered to his feet, brushed himself off, and said shakily, “Just because you don’t know the answer doesn’t mean you need to lose your temper.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 199)

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J. Golden Kimball: “I may not stand blameless before God at the last day, but I am not afraid to meet my God and be judged by the Lord as to my desires, efforts, and works...Jesus Christ is the door to the sheepfold, and with all my many imperfections and weaknesses, if I am invited by the Master to come in at the door, all men who try to block my way will get run over and pushed aside.” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 51)

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