April 12

Q: How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One to preside... One to conduct... One to say the opening prayer...One to change the lightbulb.

Actual requests received by the Family History Department of the LDS Church.

I would like to find out if I have any living relatives or dead relatives or ancestors in my family.

The wife of #22 could not be found. Somebody suggested that she might have been stillborn; what do you think?

Enclosed please find my Grandmother. I have worked on her for 30 years without success.

This family had 7 nephews that I am unable to find. If you know who they are, please add them to the list.

(The Mormon Zone.com)

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Showing her son, age 7, a photo of his great grandparents, Sister Ford explained they had lived a long time ago.

“I think I heard about them,” he replied. “Were their names Adam and Eve?” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 12)

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You probably are, or have been, a Latter-day Saint Missionary if:

You have a new wardrobe today because you traded ties with a friend.

You have reinforced the soles of your dress shoes with duct tape. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 119)

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For the fourth time, Henry came home from school with a black eye. Disappointed, his mother said, “Oh, Henry, you have been fighting again.”

“But, Mom,” he sniffled, “I was just trying to keep a little boy from getting beaten up by a bigger one.”

“Well, that is different,” said his mother. “What little boy was that?”

“It was me, Mommy.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 232)

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J. Golden Kimball: Now as I said, I waived certain rights when I became a member of this Church. I waived the right of sin...I feel muzzled when I wrestle with my nature and human weaknesses. You know there is no other man just like me in all Israel, and probably you are glad of it...I don’t feel self-righteous...I feel confident, when I think about the matter carefully, that some people become self-righteous in their own estimation, because they keep one or two of the commandments, they then commence to exercise “unrighteous dominion” when they think they have found a transgressor in the Church.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 93)

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