April 15

You might be a Mormon if...

the only person you know who does not call you "brother" is your brother.

You might be a Mormon if...

you were an aunt or uncle before you turned 5.

TheMormonZone.com

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The oldest member in the Ward said to the Bishop, “I’ll turn 100 years old tomorrow, and I want you to know that I don’t have an enemy in the world.”

“That’s wonderful,” the Bishop replied.

“Yes sir,” said the elderly gentleman, “I have outlived every one of them.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 15)

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Three Be’s for Looking on the Bright Side

If you have a 7 o’clock meeting every Sunday morning:

Be glad it gives you a better chance of being healthy, wealthy and wise.

Be thankful that you never wake up with a hangover.

Be appreciative that at that hour, there is less traffic on the roads. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 122)

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Doctor to sick man: Well, Herman, I am sorry to say it. You don’t have more than six months to live.

Herman: Six months! I could never pay my doctor bill in just six months.

Doctor: Well, all right. I guess I could give you another six months. (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 236)

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J. Golden Kimball: I never like to preach to Latter-day Saints who have already been over-fed with such spiritual nourishment, and are not hungry; it seems like wasting effort...One good sister said to me, “Golden, if you wouldn’t talk to much about yourself, it would be a good thing.” Well, I thought to myself, it would be a good thing if you would talk about yourself and let other people alone. I know more about myself than any other person on earth, and I am going to try to keep some if it quiet, if I can. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 104)

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Mission Mania,  p. 20

Mission Mania, p. 20