April 18

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Goliath.

Goliath Who?

Goliath down - Thou looketh tired.

Q: Why didn't they play cards on the ark?

A: Because Noah was standing on the deck.

TheMormonZone.com

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A Bishop went to visit an older brother in the Ward who hadn’t been to Church for several years.

After a cordial conversation, the Bishop said, “You know, Bob, you are not getting any younger. Don’t you think it is time you started thinking of the here after?”

“Oh, I do.” the man replied. “Several times a day I go to my kitchen and say, ‘Now, what is it I am here after?’” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 18)

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Life is like:

Writing on a chalkboard. Mistakes can be erased and then you can start over again.

Dieting. The more you work at it, the more you gain. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 125)

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A Sunday School teacher asked one of her little students to briefly tell the biblical story of Elisha and the bears. “All right.” she said. “The children made fun of him, and Elisha said, ‘If you make fun of me, I will have the bears attack you, and they will destroy you.’ And they did, and he did, and they did.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 240)

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J. Golden Kimball: “I love the people, and I say, God save the people. When I look over this body of men, I do not discover that you are very distinguished in appearance. Why, you are no better looking than I am, and I look pretty bad. I am only a remnant of what I ought to be. I am not very well groomed, and I do not look distinguished; neither do you...We are a hard working people, and we would not take a very good picture, unless you take the better side of us, but I tell you, we have got clean hearts; we love the Lord, we love truthfulness, and we desire to be honest, truthful, and virtuous.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 125)

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Two by Two

Two by Two