April 2

Once at a BYU football game, a person leaned forward to the person in front of them and asked, "Could you remove your hat? It's obstructing my vision."

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" said the person in front, "I didn't realize you were having one!

An anxious Mormon man, who was a soon-to-be father, spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.

"No!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"

T(he MormonZone.com)

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While on their honeymoon, David and Janet went to a nice restaurant. David said to his bride, “Science says that what we eat, we will become.” Excited by that statement, Janet seized the menu and said, “Wonderful. Let’s order something rich!” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 146)

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Comments you will never hear in a Priesthood Meeting:

We are passing around a sign-up sheet to petition the Bishop for a men’s Enrichment night. It is not fair that the sisters get one and we don’t.

Don’t forget our next quorum social. We are going water-skiing next Sunday afternoon right after church. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 116)

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A clever schoolteacher sent home a note to the parents of her new students on the first day of school. It read, “If you promise you won’t believe everything your child says happens at school, I promise I won’t believe everything she says happens at home.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 221)

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J. Golden Kimball: About Christmas 1923, I thought I was dying. I had a hemorrhage of the lungs, and I bled quantities of blood. I thought I had hardly a pint left in me. I sent for my wife and handed her the keys to my Safety Box and said, “Here is the key to my Safety Box; there is nothing in it. God bless you.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 204)

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So, You’re a Primary Teacher! , p. 36

So, You’re a Primary Teacher!, p. 36