April 21

Q: Did all of the creatures on the ark come in pairs (pears)?

A: No. The worms came in apples.

Q: Did Adam ever have a “date” with Eve?

A: No. It was an apple.

The news article proclaimed that somewhere in Utah there is a woman having a baby every 18 minutes. The poor woman.


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After co-signing with his son to purchase his first car, Brother Williams commented to his son, “If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing one of your car payments.”

Every time a family gets a little bit ahead financially, the husband or wife suddenly “needs” something they hadn’t previously felt they couldn’t afford. (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 37)

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Pondering About the Millennium:

Will there be a better means of transportation than automobiles?

Will we have speed limits?

Will anyone go over the speed limit? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 126)

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A member of the Ward tended to talk too long when asked to speak in Church. One Sunday he came to church with a bandage on his finger. Someone asked him, “John, how did you cut yourself?”

He replied, “I was thinking about the talk I am to give in Sacrament Meeting today, and I cut my finger.”

“Oh, I see,” smiled the member. “Perhaps it would be wise to think more about your finger and cut your talk.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 243)

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J. Golden Kimball: “A man who considers his religion a slavery has not begun to comprehend the real nature of religion...That is the feeling of every man who is careless, and every man who is indifferent. Are you happy in that condition? I say no; only those are happy who are doing their duty...Our fathers died for the faith, as did our mothers, and we are living on the faith of our fathers and mothers, a great many of us. We have never made the sacrifice, and we are unwilling to prepare ourselves for it..now brethren, I plead for love of each other. Listen to those [at this conference] who will speak a good word for us, without putting in those infernal expressions, ‘Yes, he is a good man, but...’ I wish to the Lord you would leave those sayings out. The Lord bless you. Amen.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 131)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 76

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 76