April 26

Q: Who designed Noah's ark?

A: An ark-itect

Q: Who was the fastest runner in the world?

A: Adam. He was first in the human race.

Q: How do we know that there was money on Noah's Ark?

A: The ducks had bills, the skunks had a scent, and the frogs had greenbacks.

TheMormonZone.com

* * * * *

At a Ward conference, the Bishop visited the Primary and asked if there was anyone who could tell him something about the Apostle Peter. A little girl raised her hand, and the Bishop had her come up and stand by him.

“Will you please tell all the other boys and girls what you know about the Apostle Peter?”

The little girl stepped up to the microphone and said, “Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, had a wife and couldn’t keep her. So, he ...” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 52)

* * * * *

Pondering About the Millennium:

Will there be inflation?

What will the currency look like?

Will we have donations instead of taxes? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 127)

* * * * *

A railroad maintenance man was notorious for his lengthy reports. Finally his supervisor wrote him an exasperated note: “For goodness sake, man, be brief!”

The reprimanded employee complied. His next report described the results of a flash flood: “Dear Sir: Where the railroad was, the river is.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 255)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball: “I am very thankful this morning, notwithstanding the condition of my physical body, that I have been busily engaged cleaning up my own yard. I could not get anyone to do it for me, so I got busy and did it myself. I am pretty near dead tired as a result of it, but I am grateful for this suggestion to the Latter-day Saints, to clean up their homes and farms...We should make a strong appeal to the rising generation and get the boys and girls to use their heads, and go to work with their hands.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 148)

* * * * *

Mission Moments , p. 86

Mission Moments, p. 86