April 27

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Laman: To usurp the authority of his older brother chickens and to take possession of their coop.

Brigham Young: Because this is the right place in the road.

Thomas: I don't really believe the chicken crossed the road.

Noah: Are you sure there weren't two chickens?

Lilburn W Boggs: I don't care which side of the road the chicken's on, you have permission to kill it.

Relief Society President: That's where the refreshments were.

Temple Square Guide: The acoustics are so good you can hear the chicken cross the road from any seat in the Tabernacle.

Gerald Lund: Not only did this chicken cross the road, but his whole family crossed the road as well. The grand, panoramic story of this chicken's family will be told in my soon-to-be-released 36 volume set "The Cluck and the Glory."

Nephi: It is better for a chicken to cross the road than an entire coop dwindle in unbelief.

Lorenzo Snow: As the egg is, the chicken once was; as the chicken is, the egg may become.

TheMormonZone.com

* * * * *

When Bishop Wallis was released, he said to the congregation, “I have just gone from ‘Who’s Who,’ to ‘Who’s He?’” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 52)

* * * * *

Pondering About the Millennium:

Will there be any TV commercials?

How many channels will there be?

Will there be any reruns? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 127)

* * * * *

A hundred men and two women cooks worked at a logging camp. The foreman had been so wordy with his weekly reports that an executive wrote to him, “We don’t have time to read so many details. Boil it down. Just give us the percentages. That’s what matters.”

In his next report the foreman wrote, “Last month one percent of the men married fifty percent of the women” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 255)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball: “I have an abiding faith in Joseph Smith as a prophet of God. I believe all that has been revealed unto this people, whether I can live it or not; I believe it all; I swallow every bit of it. I don’t sugar-coat it, either. Brethren, I am willing to place all that I have and am upon the altar. It does not amount to very much, but you are welcome to every bit of it.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 153)

* * * * *