April 28

The Bishop and his counselors were making a visit to an old couple in the Ward. They were impressed by the way the old man preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 60 years and clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, one of the brethren leaned over and said to the brother, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!"

TheMormonZone.com

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A member from Salt Lake City was visiting a friend in a small branch in Kentucky. Sister Rowland commented, “Karen, you certainly have a small congregation.”

“Yes,” Karen agreed. “If this branch gets any smaller, we will have to call it a “Twig” instead of a “Branch.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 55)

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Pondering About the Millennium:

Will mosquitoes stop biting?

Will we ever have to use bug spray?

Will we still have to dust? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 127)

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This family had four teenage daughters. As each of them left on a date one evening, he cautioned them to be home by midnight. The first one returned at 11:45 p.m., the next two came in at 11:50 p.m. The father waited for the fourth one, but she didn’t come by midnight, so he locked the door. At 12:15, the daughter came home, but the door was locked, and the father had turned out the lights and gone to bed. His wife was concerned, but the father replied, “Seventy-five percent is a pretty good percentage for tonight. Next time I am sure we will have one-hundred percent.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 256)

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J. Golden Kimball: To speak to people in the open is new to me, but there is something about it I like, and that is, if you don’t care for what I am saying, you can just leave!

I am trying to take the hopeful, optimistic view of things, but I can’t seem to work myself up quite as well as the man who fell from a twenty-story building. As he passed a window of the tenth story, a man standing by the window heard the falling man say, “I am all right so far.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 154)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 68

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 68