April 3

A Primary teacher asked his students to say the Articles of Faith in any order. One of them said, "11, 3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 12, 5, 9, 13, 2, 10, 7."

The church's missionary department has just created a "Dial-A-Prayer" service for atheists. You can call up, and it rings and rings, but nobody answers.

Q: Why didn't the BYU football team have a good season?

A: Every time they earned 10 yards, they had to give one back for tithing.

(The Mormon Zone.com)

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After catching two of his young grandsons smoking, Brother Lewis told them what his grandfather had said to him when he was caught smoking at a young age: “Tobacco is a filthy weed. It is the devil that sows the seed. It stains your fingers and stinks your clothes, And it makes a stove pipe of your nose.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 146)

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Comments you will never hear in a Priesthood Meeting:

“I have been nervously preparing this lesson for four weeks.”

“Today is the third in our series of lessons on marital relationships. Look and act like you are intently paying attention with an occasional nod.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 116)

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Child to mother: Guess what? My teacher thinks I am going to be famous someday!

Mom: Really?

Child: Yup. She said if I get in trouble one more time I’m history! (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 221)

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J. Golden Kimball: There was a little boy who fell heir to a great deal of property. He became exceedingly wealthy; but he also became very stingy, with his heart so puckered up that he did not have a generous feeling about him. His aunt Kate, who loved him dearly, perceiving this weakness in him, thought she would break him in early, and asked him to make her a Christmas present. Well, he thought about it for a long while, and then he said, “Aunt Kate, love you dearly, but cannot make you a present. But I will pray for you.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 204)

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Mission Moments , p. 69

Mission Moments, p. 69