April 4

A doctor, an architect, and a lawyer were arguing over who had the oldest profession. The doctor said, "Well the first operation was performed on Adam, so the medical profession is the oldest."

"No," said the architect, "Architechual planning and design was needed to create the earth and the universe out of chaos, so I represent the oldest profession."

"Where do you think the chaos came from?" asked the lawyer.

The Mormon Zone.com

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One day in Gospel Doctrine class, the instructor became adamant that Church members should only eat natural foods. Brother Ford claimed that the preservatives in store-bought foods were against the Word of Wisdom.

At this comment, one of the older sisters in the Ward raised her hand and said, “I disagree with what you say. Besides, I’m at an age when I will have nothing to do with natural foods. I need all the preservatives I can get!” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 146)

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Comments you will never hear in a Priesthood Meeting:

“Our lesson next week is ‘Cooking better barbecues with wine.’”

“The Peterson are moving next Saturday, but we will not be helping them move.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 116)

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Q: What is Laman and Lemuel’s favorite TV show?

A: Murmur.

Q: When people go past Temple Square, why do they like to look up to Moroni?

A: Because he is always on the ball. (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 221)

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J. Golden Kimball: I have a testimony that the Gospel is true. I can preach it a great deal better than I can live it. Under the influence of the Spirit of God, men often say things that are a marvel to them...Some of our good brethren’s names would not be found on the tithing records if their wives did not pay tithing on eggs and butter. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 20, 23)

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Mission Moments , p. 78

Mission Moments, p. 78