April 5

Bride on her wedding day: "Mom, I'm at the end of all my troubles!"

Mother: "Yes, but at which end?"

A new species of bird, called the "Jack Seagull" has been discovered in Salt Lake Valley. Apparently, they won't eat crickets.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mormon missionary with an atheist?

A: Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.

The Mormon Zone.com

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Giving a lesson on the Word of Wisdom, a seminary teacher said to the class. “I would like to give you a demonstration on the harmful effects of drinking alcoholic beverages.

“Here are two glasses. One is filled with water, the other with whiskey. I will now place a worm in each glass. Notice how the worm in the water wiggles about in the water, but lives, while the worm in the whisky dies in agony. Now, students, what is the moral of this story?”

One of the boys smiled and said, “If you don’t want worms, drink whiskey.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 147)

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You probably are, or have been, a Latter-day Saint Missionary if:

You are considered to be a most eligible bachelor, but haven’t been on a date for nearly two years.

You have been living in Hawaii for a year and a half and don’t even own a swimsuit. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 118)

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Q: Why did the Lamanites have bruised knees?

A: Because of all the Nephites.

Q: Where do Lamanites go to dance?

A: To Laman Nite clubs.

Q: What was the name of Nephi’s horse?

A: Beunto. Nephi would call out: “Whoa, Beunto” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 222)

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J. Golden Kimball: I feel to be true to the cause of Christ, and I want to be saved in the kingdom of God; and I want to go where my father went and where my mother went. I want to be with this people. I want to see all the world saved, and I want to see the Gospel preached to every tongue and people as a witness, and I will be mighty glad when the end comes. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 36)

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