April 6

MARXISM-COMMUNISM:

You have two cows.

The Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:

You have two cows.

The Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:

You have two cows.

The Government takes both and shoots you.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

A MORMON FARMER

You have eight cows.

You get married.

(The Mormon Zone.com)

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Taking her six-year-old daughter Amy with her, Sister Pratt went to a hair salon to have her hair trimmed. In one of the hair dryers, a woman was smoking a cigarette.

Not having been around people who smoked, Amy hurried over to the woman and stood in front of her and said, “Don’t you know that you are not supposed to smoke?”

The woman was quite indignant and responded, “Who says I can’t smoke?”

With courage, Amy declared, “Smokey the Bear and Holy the Ghost!” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 148)

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You probably are, or have been, a Latter-day Saint Missionary if:

You ask golden questions and talk about golden plates while searching for golden investigators.

You work overtime every week, but never get a paycheck for it. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 118)

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Question: Don’t you think the scriptures should be rewritten?

Answer: No, they should be reread. (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 223)

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J. Golden Kimball: “Some people fancy because we have the Presidency and the Apostles of the Church, they will do the thinking for us. There are men and women so mentally lazy that they hardly think for themselves. To think calls for effort, which makes some men tired and wearies their souls. Now, brethren and sisters, we are surrounded with such conditions that it requires, not only our thought, but the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Latter-day Saints, you must think for yourselves. No man or woman can remain in this Church on borrowed light.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 61)

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Mission Mania , p. 73

Mission Mania, p. 73