May 1

Two missionaries out tracting were greeted by a young boy and a huge dog. One of the elders asked, "Does your dog bite?"

"No," replied the boy. So the elder reached out his hand to pet the dog, and the dog snapped at his hand. The elder said, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"

"He doesn't," replied the boy. "This isn’t my dog!"

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Sister Wheeler and Sister Watkins were talking about their family. Sister Wheeler expressed her thoughts about her grandchildren. She said “The good news is when your son and daughter-in-law present you with grandchildren. The bad news is when they want you to care for them for two weeks while they go on vacation.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 65)

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Pondering About the Millennium:

Will missions still last two years?

Will we have locks on our doors?

Will current globes become collector’s items? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 128)

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President George Albert Smith, on one occasion of the sustaining of officers, said, “All who want to vote negatively, raise the left hand.”

He said he didn’t lose his testimony; instead, he got so open-minded, it just fell out. (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 258, 266)

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J. Golden Kimball: “I know something about it; I have filled two missions. I hardly think I could pass a physical examination, but my temperature is all right, and my pulse is beating regularly, and I am ready to face the music. I have enough faith to accept a call...Do you want to inherit eternal life? Are you willing to pay the price?” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 159)

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