May 14

My daughter, Sherry, was taking her grandson, Jack, to school. Jack was talking to her about wanting to live close to his older brother, Matt, when he grew up. Sherry told him, “When Matt has children, you will be their uncle. When his children have children, you will be their great-uncle. Do you know what I will be then?” Jack thought a minute and then responded, “Probably dead.”

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After dating a nice young woman two times, a returned missionary said to her. “I love you. Will you marry me?”

Surprised by his words, the young woman replied, “I’m sorry, but I don’t love you. I haven’t known you long enough to love you. I am sure you will find some other girl you will grow to love–a beautiful girl.”

The returned missionary responded, “I don’t want a beautiful girl–I want you.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 99)

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Candid Statements heard from children by a Primary Teacher:

“Sometimes my daddy yells at the other cars while he is driving.”

“I know that Jesus loves animals because he healed the leopards.”

“Is it time for recess yet?” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 8)

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When I take a trip by plane, I think about three things---faith, hope, and “gravity.”

Bishop: “Perhaps you are worrying too much, Sister Barnes.”

Sister Barnes: “I don’t know. It must be helping. Ninety percent of the things I worry about never happen.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 279)

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J. Golden Kimball: “There are a number of men today, and always will be, who feel in their hearts that they ought to lead the Church, that they ought to be apostles. The woods are full of them every time there is a vacancy. This same class of men feel that the Church itself is out of gear and going wrong...President Woodruff made this broad statement: ‘I say to all Israel; I say to the whole world, that the God of Israel, who organized this Church and Kingdom, never ordained any president or presidency to lead the Church astray.’ I am glad of that, so that we need not worry about the Church. God knows we have enough other things to worry about. Go home and go to sleep; God will never allow them to lead us astray.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 186)

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Mission Mania , p. 3

Mission Mania, p. 3