May 16

Question: Which area of the Promised Land was especially wealthy?

Answer: The area around the Jordan where the banks kept overflowing.

Question: When was meat first mentioned in the Bible?

Answer: When Noah took Ham into the ark.

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Brother Simmons was giving advice to his newly married son, who had been a good athlete in high school. “Man can climb the highest mountain, swim the widest river, do well at physical sports, but once he is married, he mostly just goes to work each day.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 101)

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You are probably living the Word of Wisdom if:

The only bar you have ever frequented served sushi.

The only thing you have ever smoked was a ham.

The only toast you make has jelly on it. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 8)

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A family’s college-age daughter called: “Mom, I need a hundred dollars. I have met this wonderful returned missionary. I have spent five Sundays in a row with him, and each time I wore one of the dresses I brought to college with me. Now it is coming up on the sixth Sunday, and I don’t have any more dresses! Could you please send money for another dress?”

“I have a better idea,” her Mother answered. “Get a new boyfriend, and you can start all over.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 281)

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J. Golden Kimball: I have heard from time to time that some of our own rising generation speak very lightly about what Brigham Young said when he entered this valley, “This is the place.” Well I am here to say it is the place, and I just came from California!...I have not had as much physical force as I desire. I am a little low on vitality. I run out of gasoline every little while. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 195)

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Mission Mania , p. 12

Mission Mania, p. 12