May 18

Q: Where is medicine first mentioned in the Bible?

A: When God gave Moses two tablets.

Q: How do we know that cars are in the New Testament?

A: Because Jesus was a car-painter (carpenter)!

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Brother and Sister Wolfe were talking about their marriage of twenty years. She asked, “Are you going to stay with me when my hair is silver?”

Gently taking her hands in his, Brother Wolfe responded, “I don’t know why not? I have been with you through all the other colors!” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 102)

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You are probably living the Word of Wisdom if:

There is no need for designated drivers at your parties.

The only time you sit on a barstool is to eat breakfast at home.

When you hear “on the rocks,” you think of boulders. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 9)

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Police officer talking to bystander at the scene of an accident: “Whose fault was this collision?”

Bystander: “Neither driver was a fault, sir. They hit each other at exactly the same time.”

As one person explained it, no one wanted to take responsibility for what happened in the Garden of Eden: “Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the snake, and the snake didn’t have a leg to stand on.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 1)

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J. Golden Kimball: Now, brethren and sisters, I pray the Lord to bless you and be with you. You are a blessed people to rally around and come together as you do to these great conferences, and your Stake conferences; because, I know, even if you forget all that is said, it stimulates faith, and God knows we need it. I pray the Lord to bless the authorities and everything pertaining to Zion. For the past year I have been working like a Trojan to love my enemies. I am making slow progress, but if I can live a little longer, I will make it yet. The Lord bless you... (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 201)

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