May 19

Who was the best obstetrician in the Bible?

Probably Moses, because he delivered all of the children of Israel.

Can clothing really last 40 years?

In describing Moses and the wandering Israelites, this verse says, “…forty years didst thou sustain them in the wilderness, so that they lacked nothing; their clothing waxed not old,…“ (Nehemiah 9:21)

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During an interview with her Ward Bishop, the single adult representative reported, “I have been asked to marry hundreds of times.”

“Oh, who asked you?”

“My mother and father,” she replied. (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 103)

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You are probably living the Word of Wisdom if:

You have never owned a cork remover.

You have never sat in a “smoking section.”

“It is time for tea” makes you think of golf. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 9)

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The Bishop of a struggling little Ward worried that some of the members were not living the gospel. So every week at the end of sacrament meeting, he took a few minutes to exhort the people to greater diligence. One old man in the congregation was especially incorrigible. He was known to have a drink now and then, and the fellow’s language was sometimes foul. One day the Bishop spoke briefly about staying away from alcoholic beverages. After the meeting, the old man came up to and said, “Boy, Bishop! You sure told THEM!”

Discouraged that the old man hadn’t gotten the point, the Bishop was even plainer the next Sunday. Again the old man missed the point. “Wow, Bishop! You really told THEM today!”

The next Sunday there was a tremendous snowstorm, and no one showed up for church except the Bishop and this one incorrigible ole man. So the Bishop conducted a short meeting emphasizing again his message, hoping the old man would realize he was the target of his blunt remarks. After the short service, the old man came up to the Bishop and said, “Boy, oh boy, Bishop! You really told THEM today–if only they had been here to hear it!” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 1)

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J. Golden Kimball: I appreciate the fact that we are not all alike. I have not been reared in the same pasture as some men have in this day and generation...I have been away for a short time in California. I have not associated with the Gentiles, they did not seem to recognize me. I cannot remember now of any of them speaking to me, but I have learned a number of lessons...During the time of my poor health my family were very much concerned. They wanted me to go through a physical examination. Nothing in the world frightens me like a scientific examination. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 202)

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Mission Mania , p. 23

Mission Mania, p. 23