May 23

A Ward chorister was speaking with the organist. He commented, “Somehow this calling is not what I pictured when I was told in my patriarchal blessing that I would someday be the leader of many.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 119)

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Comments you will never hear at a Bishopric Meeting::

I hope the members will approve our proposed salary increases.

I wouldn’t mind these early morning meetings so much if they would reward us with stock options.

Why do I always have to say the opening prayer? Isn’t it someone else’s turn? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 12)

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Hugh B. Brown: During a conference held in the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City, after two of the younger brethren of the General Authorities had spoken, I whispered to President McKay, “President McKay, I believe this Church is going to carry on after you and I are gone.”

Smiling, President McKay responded, “Gone where? I have no plans to go anywhere? Are you going some where?” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 14)

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J. Golden Kimball: You good people and parents living in the country, on your own farms, I plead with you not to send your children to cities, where the beautiful spirit of things God created, perish. Let them live in the open, in the beautiful valleys, on the mountains, in God’s sunshine, near streams, rivers, and trees, and let His Spirit teach them of the things of God...I am a man full of faults, but God knows I have given Him the best effort there was in me. I know God lives, that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the Redeemer of the world; and when men have tempted me to deny this, which they have tried to do--I have talked to some of them--learned men. I have talked to doctors. I have talked to young men who have gone out and filled missions, and come home and got education, and they have tried to burn all my bridges behind me, but, thank God, I had a testimony and I knew! I have told them: “in what you offer me, there is no happiness.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 228)

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Mission Mania , p. 54

Mission Mania, p. 54