May 28

Sister Morgan, a teacher at a local high school, was giving a lesson on prayer in Relief Society. During the lesson, she shared what was written on a sign in the faculty lounge of the school: “In case of a terrorist attack, the Supreme Court’s ruling on prayer will be temporarily suspended!” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 123)

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Bumper Stickers:

“Don’t know where you are going? Come, follow me.”

“Don’t laugh. It beats a handcart.

“They are not all mine. I am a Den Mother.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 14)

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Brigham Young: Study to preserve your bodies in life and health, and you will be able to control your minds. And when you come to meetings, bring your minds with you” (Journal of Discourses 8:135).

Optimists stay up to see the new year in. Pessimists stay up to make sure the old year leaves.

Just before the young army recruit made his first parachute jump, he received instructions from his sergeant: “Now, remember these three things: First of all, count to ten, then pull the first rip cord. And second–if nothing happens, pull the second cord, which releases the auxiliary chute. Third–when you land, our truck will pick up you and your gear.”

“Yes, sir,” said the recruit and then jumped out of the plane. After counting to ten, he pulled the first cord. The chute didn’t open. He pulled the second rip cord, and the chute still didn’t open.

“Oh, great,” he muttered as he plummeted toward the earth, “Now I suppose that truck won’t be there either!” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 17)

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A prophecy made by President J. Golden Kimball of the First Council of Seventy, at a meeting held in the San Francisco L.D.S. chapel, on March 16, 1924: “I prophesy that before many of you go to the other side, you will have a burning desire in your hearts to return to the places where the leaders of the Church have counseled the Saints to settle, and you will give anything in the world to have a home there.” (Joseph E. Larkin) (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 236)

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Mission Mania, p. 81

Mission Mania, p. 81