May 29

Heber C. Kimball, a member of the Council of Twelve, had walked many miles on one of his missionary days, and was provided a room and some bread and milk at a member’s home. The wife thought this would be a great opportunity to hear how an Apostle prays before going to bed, so she stood by the closed door to hear his prayer. She heard Heber lean back on his bed and then he said these words, “Oh Lord, bless Heber. He is so tired.” and then Heber fell asleep. (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 124)

* * * * *

Knock, Knock Jokes

Knock, knock. Who is there? Nephi. Nephi Who? 1st Nephi.

Knock, knock. Who is there? Nephi. Nephi Who? 2nd Nephi.

Knock, knock. Who is there? Nephi. Nephi Who? 3rd Nephi.

Knock, knock. Who is here? Omni. You thought I would say 4th Nephi didn’t you. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 17)

* * * * *

Orson F. Whitney: The spirit of the gospel is optimistic; it trusts to God and looks on the bright side of things. The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down and away from God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to yield obedience.

There is a story told of two buckets that hung in a well, on either end of a long chain, so that when one went up the other went down, and vice versa. They were both drawing water out of the well, both doing precisely the same kind of work, but one of the buckets was an optimist, and the other was a pessimist. The pessimist bucket complained of its lot, saying, ‘It doesn’t matter how full I come up, I always go back empty.” The optimistic bucket, retorted, “It doesn’t matter how empty I go down, I always come back up full.” Much depends, you see, upon the spirit in which a thing is viewed (Conference Report, April 1917, 43). (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 18)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball: I will tell you a story and then I shall stop. I got a telephone message some time ago that I had some relatives in the hospital. They wanted me to hurry up there and administer to them. They were two sisters. These young girls had been taught, but they were not healed by administration, so they came to the hospital. When I arrived I found one of them in one room, and she had already been operated upon, and was getting along very nicely. The other sister wanted me to bless her before she was operated upon. I asked how much she was paying the doctor. She replied, “Three hundred dollars.”

I said, “Well, haven’t you got confidence in him? He is charging you enough. Why don’t you trust him?”

“Well,” she said, “Uncle Golden, I have been administered to, but I was not healed, and I felt I had to come to the doctor.”

I said, “If I bless you, and you are healed, who is going to get the credit? If the doctor gets all the money and all the credit, and God heals you, I don’t think that is fair.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 243)

* * * * *

Mission Mania, p. 86

Mission Mania, p. 86