May 31

A Primary teacher gathered the young boys and girls around her and told them the story of Jesus feeding the multitude in he miraculous manner as told in the New Testament.

When the boy returned home, his mother asked him what he had learned in Primary.

The boy replied, “She told us how the Savior fed the people.”

The mother asked, “How many people?”

“Five thousand,” he replied.

“And what did he feed them with?”

“Five loaves of bread and two fishes.”

“Well, now,” said the mother, “how do you suppose Jesus could do that?”

“The little boy thought for a moment and said, “Well, I don’t believe those in the middle got any.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 131)

* * * * *

Signs that you have more than enough food storage:

You have a special provision in your will to divide all the jars and cans equally among your children.

You are using your stash of pinto beans as collateral for a loan.

You have so much bottled fruit you have decided to never move to another house. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 20)

* * * * *

Heber C. Kimball: I have often told you that all my lazy hairs were gone; and I have often told the young Elders, to encourage them, that the first mission I took, after I was ordained one of the Twelve, was through New England and into Nova Scotia, 1500 miles travel on foot with my valise on my back....I began to study the scriptures, and I had so little knowledge that the exercise of study began to swell my head and open my pores insomuch that the hairs dropped out; and if you will let your minds expand as mine did, you will have no hair on your heads. I expected to lose all my hair, and my head too; but I am still alive... and I expect to live to see this people prosper...and we will bring about the purposes of God (Journal of Discourses 4:107) (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 23)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball: I have never in all my travels and teachings among the people been told what to say. I realize the importance of this occasion. I understand what time means. At the conference six months ago, I was fortunate in being called upon, and I occupied three minutes. To my surprise, I was complimented everywhere I went. People say it was the best sermon I ever preached. Of course, [if] I believe what they said to me, I would close now... (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 254)

* * * * *

Mission Mania, p. 65

Mission Mania, p. 65