May 5

Brigham was conducting a visiting clergyman around the prosperous Salt Lake Valley, when the impressed visitor commented on what an amazing job Brigham and God had accomplished.

Brigham responded, "Yes, and you should have seen it before I came along and God had it alone."

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While vacationing in Jerusalem, Brother Ashcroft became acquainted with a hotel clerk. After four days, he boasted to this clerk, “One of my ancestors signed the Declaration of Independence.”

“Congratulations, indeed,” said the Jewish clerk. “One of mine signed the Ten Commandments.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 73)

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Pondering About the Millennium:

Will birds and retirees still migrate south for the winter?

Will science books be corrected?

Will dictionaries be edited to omit words that are never spoken any more? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 128)

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On one occasion, having failed to make a stubborn opponent see the error of his reasoning, Abraham Lincoln said, “Well, let’s see. How many legs does a cow have?”

“Four, of course,” his opponent replied.

“That’s right,” answered Lincoln. “Now suppose we call the cow’s tail a leg, how many legs would the cow have then?”

“Why, five, of course.”

“That’s where you make an error,” said Lincoln. “Simply calling the cow’s tail a leg, doesn’t make it a leg.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 271)

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J. Golden Kimball: During my labors in Chattanooga with Brother Roberts, I was thoroughly poisoned with malaria. I was as yellow as a parchment...Brother Morgan looked me over carefully. He said, Brother Kimball, you better go home. The mission is very hard run for money. It will cost twenty-four dollars to send you home alive, but it would cost three hundred to send you home dead.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 176)

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So, You’re a Primary Teacher! , p. 53

So, You’re a Primary Teacher!, p. 53