May 7

Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?

Because he ran out of juice.

Why did the Tomato go out with a prune?

Because he couldn’t find a “date”!

What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato while on a family walk?

Ketchup.

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One busy Saturday morning, Brother and Sister Tyler were getting ready to go to the temple. Their eleven-year-old son asked them what he should plan on for lunch. His mother explained that they were counting on his fifteen-year-old brother to help out with that. The boy told his mother not to worry. “I have my 72-hour-kit if that doesn’t work out.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 76)

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Pondering About the Millennium:

Will the Great Salt Lake lose its salt?

Will our calendars start over with year one?

Will we celebrate Christmas in April? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 129)

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Brigham Young: A doctor told an old man who was using snuff, “There is no fear of snuff hurting the brain of anyone, for any person who has any brains will not take snuff” (Journal of Discourses 9:35-36). (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 273)

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J. Golden Kimball: “I hope the brethren will be very tender of men’s feelings when they talk about our children and about parents being responsible for their children, that their sins will rest upon them. God knows, I have got all I can carry without packing anyone else. Now you want to be awfully careful and awfully tender of those things, because in the wisdom of God, they are God’s children. My children are God’s children, and He is just as much responsible for my children as I am.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 177)

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Missionary Chronicles Year Two

Missionary Chronicles Year Two