May 8

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around Jordan;. the banks were always overflowing.

Q. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?

A. Because he knew there was something fishy about it.

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Many years ago, on a hot and sleepy day, President Daniel H. Wells, who was the Second Counselor to President Brigham Young, was speaking. Heber C. Kimball, First Counselor, sat right behind President Wells, and he had fallen asleep.

As soon as President Wells had concluded his discourse, President Young tapped President Kimball on the shoulder, woke him, and asked him to be the next speaker. President Kimball arose, and began, “I bear testimony to the truth of all that President Wells has said. I did not hear it, but I have full confidence in President Wells and know that what he taught you was the truth.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 77)

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Pondering About the Millennium:

Will all clothing cost the same amount?

Will lions make good house pets?

Will there be a Santa? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 129)

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Once a flight attendant asked Spencer W. Kimball, “Would you like something to drink?”

“What do you have?” he asked.

“Coffee, tea, Coca-Cola.”

He shook his head. “Do you have any lemonade?”

“No,” she said, “but I could squeeze you a little.”

President Kimball responded: “Oh, dear. I don’t think you had better squeeze me.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 275)

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J. Golden Kimball: In speaking at General Conference in October 1921: “I think of what Elbert Hubbard said today. He said, ‘If you are going to reform the world, you had better begin with yourself, and then there will be one rogue less in the world.’ Of course, I did not want to apply that to myself, but I would not object applying it to you...It seems to me during the past few years that the minds of many are warped. We do not think honest; we do not hear straight, nor do we see straight. I am sure that the Lord can do very little for a man who persists in being dishonest and untruthful...If a man in this Church ever does say a foolish thing, they will remember it to the very day of their death; and it is the only thing some of them do remember.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 180)

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Missionary Chronicles,  Year Two

Missionary Chronicles, Year Two