June 10

My wife teaches a Relief Society class. One Sunday she informed her class that she had worked very hard to prepare her lesson. “In fact,” she said, “I even sat down with Moses, and we went over my preparation together. He made a few suggestions, and I accepted them.” About then my wife noticed some very startled looks from a few members of the class. Noticing the reaction, a sister in the back stood up and said, “For those of you who don’t know Sister Hansen, I would like to tell you that Moses is her son.” –Claude A. Hansen; Palmer, Washington (Church News, May 19, 2001)

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Amended Popular Sayings:

“Too many agendas spoil the meeting.”

“A soul saved is a soul earned.”

“Give me caffeine free or give me water.”

“A few prayers a day keep the temptations away.”

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 26)

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Primary teacher: So your mother says prayers with you every night? What does she say?

Little boy: She says, “Thank heavens, he’s in bed!”

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A young mother put her little Jacob to bed for the night, told him a story, kissed him good night, and walked down the hall, but he toddled after her down the hall. “No, Jacob,” she said, ‘It is time for you to go to sleep.”

She put him back in bed, turned off the light, and started to leave, “Mommy, Mommy,” Jacob called.

“What do you want?”

“Can I play with Todd tomorrow?

“We’ll see.”

Again: “Mommy, Mommy.”

“Uh–where is Daddy?”

“He is at a meeting. Now you need to go to sleep. No more calling out ‘Mommy.’”

She was almost to the end of the hall when he called again: “Sister Green! Sister Green! May I have a drink of water?” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 36)

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J. Golden Kimball: You see that great big clock over there. I cannot see the hands as my eyes are not as good as they used to be. Well, with that great big clock before me, and this microphone in front of me–how is a man suppose to get the Holy Spirit and give a spiritual talk?:-) (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 276)

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