June 14

Famous Quotes of Elementary School Teachers (back in time):

To David: “This is not the time nor the place for that. Put your sling and those five spit wads away right now.”

To Joseph, son of Jacob: “You are daydreaming again. Please get back to your reading assignment.”

To Aaron: “You sure are creative with that modeling clay. Is that a calf you are making?” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 27)

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A farmer had a wife who was very critical of his vocabulary. One evening he told her he had a friend named Bill he would like for her to meet. “Don’t call him ‘Bill,’” she insisted. “Call him ‘William.’”

When the friend arrived, the farmer said, “Let me tell you a tale.”

“Not tale,” the wife interrupted. “Say ‘anecdote.’”

That night, upon retiring, the farmer told her to put out the light.

“Not ‘put out,’” she explained. “Say ‘extinguish’ the light.”

Later in the night she awakened her husband and sent him downstairs to investigate a noise. When he returned, she asked him what it was.

“It was,” he explained carefully, “a ‘William’ goat which I took by its ‘anecdote’ and ‘extinguished.’” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 49)

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J. Golden Kimball: Some have the idea that they are just to think and study but keep still and not talk. That is, you just sit on the fence and be a cud-chewing cow and watch the procession go by. You listen and hearken and let knowledge sink into your soul, just as a sponge absorbs water. Some wise men never express a thought. Why? Because fear creeps into their hearts. That is to say, they assume an air of owlish wisdom and a plaster-cast expression on their face and conclude that silence and mental dryness are indicative of wisdom, but such people seldom, if ever, get a bright idea in their heads or a generous sentiment in their hearts. If God put the words into their mouths, fear of criticism and misunderstanding would put them to silence. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 293)

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Mission Mania,  p. 87

Mission Mania, p. 87