June 15

A hurried Mitt Romney stuck his bag in the elevator door as it was closing late one night at the Hotel Utah. The doors reopened to reveal President Spencer W. Kimball and his wife, Camilla.

Embarrassed, Romney introduced himself , and the prophet said, “You look like a Romney.”

“Thank-you, I guess,” Romney said.

“What do you mean, I guess?” President Kimball said.

“Well, we Romneys have such huge jaws.”

With a straight face, President Kimball said, “Camilla is a Romney.”

Following an awkward pause, and seeing Mitt’s uneasiness, President Kimball laughed. (Deseret New, Mormon Times, June 9, 2011, C1.)

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Famous Quotes of Elementary School Teachers (back in time):

To Daniel: “I don’t care how hungry they are. No cats are allowed in this classroom.”

To Adam: “Since you have finished the assignment already, I will let you go out and play first.”

To Eve: “It is nice of you that during lunch you always share your fruit with Adam.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 27)

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“How is your wife?” one man asked his friend.

“She passed away and is in heaven,” replied the friend.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” stammered the man. Then he realized this was probably not the right thing to say. “I mean,” he stammered, “I’m glad.” That seemed even worse so he blurted, “Well, what I really mean is, I’m surprised.”

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A customer settled himself and let the barber put a towel around him. Then he told the barber, “Before you start, I know the weather’s awful. I don’t care who wins the next big fight, and I don’t bet on the horse races. I know I’m getting thin on top, but I don’t mind. Now get on with it.

“Well, sir, if you don’t mind,” said the barber, “I’ll be able to concentrate better if you don’t talk so much!” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 50)

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J. Golden Kimball: Brother Claude Richards wrote a book in which he assembled together forty talks that I have made in this Tabernacle under the direction of the brethren of the Authorities. Of course, those talks were approved or they would not have been printed...when I get the blues, which I do occasionally, I become melancholy without much trouble. At such times, I read this J. Golden book. If you can get as much faith and joy and hope and encouragement out of it as I have, it is worth the $2.50. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 297)

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So, You’re A Bishop?,  p. 53

So, You’re A Bishop?, p. 53