You probably are or have been a missionary if:
You easily recognize three common human ailments: blind minds, hard hearts, and stiff necks.
You have miraculously harvested a white field with all your might.
You lived with a room mate for a whole month who you never called by his first name. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 31)
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Garrison Keillor: They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to think that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.
If you think you are confused, think of Christopher Columbus. First off, he didn’t know where he was going. When he got there, he didn’t know where he was. And when he got back home, he didn’t know where he had been.
A toast from the devil to Joseph Smith, as written by Parley P. Pratt:
Devil: Here’s to my good friend, Joe Smith. May all sorts of ill-luck befall him, and may he never be suffered to enter my kingdom, either in time or eternity, for he would almost make me forget that I am a devil, and make a gentleman of me, while he gently overthrows my government at the same time that he wins my friendship.
(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 68, 73, 78)
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J. Golden Kimball: Judgment comes with age, as a rule, not always. We young men that have responsibilities placed upon us oftentimes have a great deal of courage, but may lack judgment. The point I want to get at is this: we must have some very brave and courageous men...It may be the privilege of some of us to go and get killed after the doors are opened. The Gospel will never be preached to every nation, kindred, tongue and people without lives being lost, nor without your eating “the bread of adversity and drinking the water of affliction.” And we may not all be successful, but when a man is willing to lay down his life, and takes his life in his hands and labors for the kingdom of God, he can do no more. I read of a man who went to Congress, and it took 7,000,000 signatures to get rid of him....I admire courage and bravery as well as judgment and wisdom. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 39)
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