June 24

Questions about Noah and his Ark:

Were there any disobedient animals that refused to get on board, like unicorns?

Which were the first to get on board–the tortoises or the hares?

Did Noah keep a guard dog or a lion by the entrance at night?

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 34)

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Father: Son, when I was your age, my family was so poor that all I had to wear were hand-me-down clothes!

Son: That’s not so bad, Dad. I wear hand-me-downs sometimes.

Father: Yes, but all I had were older sisters!

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Elaine Cannon: You have no doubt heard about the young girl who complained to her teenage brother about the terrible blows that life had dealt her. She said, “It just isn’t fair; you got the curly hair and the straight nose.”

And he said, “Well, you got the curly nose and the straight hair!” (Ensign, May 1982, 95).

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John M. Knight: My grandfathers and great grandfathers and grandmothers, and my father and mother passed through all the trials incident to pioneering of this great western wilderness, and they were faithful to the truth. I ask for no greater legacy than that. I mentioned this fact in Denver, that I represented the fourth generation in the Church, and our son, seven years of age, went to his mother and said: “What do you think father called us in meeting?” And she said, “I don’t know, son, what was it?” My son said: “Father said that we were the fifth ‘amendment’” (Conference Report, Oct. 1922, 42).

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 89)

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J. Golden Kimball: The effects of idleness and mental laziness cause a stupor of thought and will grieve the spirit of the Lord, and if persisted in, will result in the withdrawal of the Spirit of the Lord. I am in favor of repenting of this evil and feel we should dedicate a part, at least, of our time to attaining wisdom and in preparing ourselves for the great work that is before us...As Paul stood before King Agrippa, so will the Elders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints stand before kings and queens and the great men of the world. You can put that down, for it is true...May the Lord bless and help you to remember these things and enable you to not take life too seriously... (Conference Report, October 1901, p. 55) (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 48)

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Mission Mania , p. 58

Mission Mania, p. 58