June 27

Signs that you are a Veteran Scoutmaster:

You look forward to your next birthday because you know you will get a new scout shirt.

Your living room decor is centered on an eagle.

You wear your favorite lashing rope every day as a belt.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 36)

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The U.S. Declaration of Independence guarantees citizens “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Benjamin Franklin pointed out later that the document doesn’t guarantee happiness, but only its pursuit. “You have to catch up with that yourself.” he said.

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A teacher smiled pleasantly at her Primary class. “All right, children, all those who want to go to heaven raise your hands.”

Everyone responded but one little boy. “What’s the matter, Shawn? Don’t you want to go to heaven?” asked the teacher.

“I can’t, Sister Nelson. My Mom said I had to come straight home after Primary.”

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Teacher: “Rachel, I hope I didn’t see you looking at Johnny’s paper during the test.”

Rachel: “I hope not, too.”

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An acquaintance met J. Golden Kimball on the street one day and in conversation asked, “Do you believe that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.”

“When I get to heaven, I’ll ask Jonah,” J. Golden answered.

“But,” said the man, “what if Jonah is not there?”

“Then you will have to ask him” (Cheney, Golden Legacy, 109).

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 99)

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J. Golden Kimball: But if you want to stay with this Church, be true to your covenants. The time will come when you will be, as you are now, a light set upon a hill. I tell you, all the devils in hell cannot destroy this Church. And the devil never has been entirely comfortable since the Salt Lake Temple was completed. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 57)

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Mission Mania,  p. 60

Mission Mania, p. 60