June 28

Signs that you are a Veteran Scoutmaster:

You don’t flinch any more upon hearing loud shouts or explosions.

Your family furniture is made from wood poles lashed together.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 36)

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Have you ever noticed that the very best highway safety device is your rear-view mirror–with a police car in it?

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Stranger: “Catch any fish?”

Fisherman: “Did I! I took thirty out of this stream this morning.”

Stranger: “Do you know who I am? I am the game warden.”

Fisherman: “Do you know who I am? I am the biggest liar in the country.”

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Mr. Jones and Mr. Brown were having lunch together at the local diner. Repeatedly friends would stop and greet them, and Mr. Jones would tell them in great detail about his recent fishing trip.

Brown listened in amusement, then finally said, “James, I notice that you change the fish size every time you tell that story.”

“Oh, of course,” James answered. “I never tell a man more than I think he will believe.”

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 99)

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J. Golden Kimball: I know a good deal more about this Church than the man did, one of those strangers that come in our midst, who went on a hill here recently and stood in an ant bed, and when the ants commenced to bite him, he commenced to curse the “Mormons.” I suppose he thought they were “Mormon” ants, and he held us responsible for them. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 57)

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