Brown’s Axioms for Latter-day Saints:
The further away you sit from the door, the louder your baby will scream.
The instant you step out into the hallway, your baby will stop crying.
The bigger the family secret, the more likely your daughter’s primary teacher will know about it.
(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 36)
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“But, Dad,” said Tommy, his eyes brimming with tears. “If I thank Heavenly Father for the spinach, won’t he know I am telling a lie?”
J. Golden Kimball: What can God do for a man who is not honest? You may baptize him every fifteen minutes, but if he does not repent, he will come up out of the water just as dishonest as ever. What can God do for a liar who refuses to repent? Can the Lord save him? He can’t claim salvation. Baptizing him in water will not settle the trouble, unless you keep him under (Conference Report, Apr. 1909, 37).
The writer Honore de Balzac lived many years in a cold and all but empty attic. There was no flame in his fireplace, no picture on his wall. But on one wall he inscribed with charcoal, “Rosewood paneling.” On another wall he wrote, “Gobelin tapestry with Venetian mirror.” In the place of honor over the fireless fireplace, he wrote, “Painting by Raphael.”
Rudyard Kipling: Adam was a gardener, and God, who made him, sees that half of all good gardening is done upon the knees.
(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 106)
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J. Golden Kimball: Now there are a lot of people talking about us, and we have a great deal of cheap notoriety, but I am not at all concerned about it. I am not worrying about it; I don’t stand with bated breath for fear this Church will be destroyed. This is the work of God; this is The Church of Jesus Christ. There are not devils enough to destroy it, and it can’t be destroyed by men. If it could have been destroyed, some who claim to be members in the Church would have destroyed it years ago. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 65)
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