July 1

Brown’s Axioms for Latter-day Saints:

Your family will be just as late for a Sacrament Meeting starting at 2 p.m. as one starting at

9 a.m.

Your company’s most important convention of the year will fall on your daughter’s baptism date.

The morning that you have an appointment with the Bishop is the only Sunday that your alarm doesn’t go off.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 38)

* * * * *

General Dwight D. Eisenhower enjoyed telling the story of two soldiers who saw him in Europe when he was Supreme Allied Commander.

“How would you like his job?” one of the GIs asked.

“Not me,” the other soldier replied. “No chance of promotion.”

---

Spencer W. Kimball liked to tell this story about an experience that occurred after his call as a new and relatively unknown, General Authority. After a Stake Conference meeting, someone said to him, “You know Elder Lee, I was glad you came to visit our Stake, because I keep getting you confused with Brother Richards” (Kimball, “Spencer W. Kimball,” BYU Studies 25 [4]:63).

---

If you are going to be a hypocrite, at least be sincere about it.

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 113)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball: At the same time, brethren and sisters, we must have backbone...There are some people in this church who do not pay their tithing, do not attend conference, do not listen to the words of the Prophets, and do not work for the salvation of the souls of the children of men, and they are the ones that are shaking in their shoes...I hope the ship will stop just long enough for them to get off. The door is wide open, and, as someone has said, “when you want to go to hell, black your boots and go like a gentlemen.” If I leave this Church, I hope I will have manhood enough to leave it like a man, and not be a traitor and fight this people...I do not like a traitor, and never did. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 70)

* * * * *

Mission Mania , p. 52

Mission Mania, p. 52