Brown’s Axioms for Latter-day Saints
Whenever you volunteer to read a scripture in the Gospel Doctrine class, it will have at least one name in it that you can’t pronounce.
The families you “minister to” are much more likely to have company or get sick during the last week of the month than during the first week.
The less food storage you have, the less likely you are to remember to rotate it.
(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 39)
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The mother of a teenage boy was talking to her friend whose son was always well-groomed and tidy. “My son just leaves his shirt hanging partially out all the time,” the first mother complained. “How do you get your son to tuck his shirt in?”
“Easy,” answered her friend. “I just sew lace on the bottom of all his shirts.”
You are an experienced parent if:
You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it is the only one your child will eat.
You fast-forward through the scene where Bambi’s mother gets killed.
You hire a sitter because you and your spouse haven’t been out in ages. Then you spend half the night calling home to check on the kids.
An old man, who had more than his share of challenges, was asked how he managed to stay so cheerful. “Well, I’ll tell you,” he replied. “I have just learned to ‘cooperate’ with whatever happens.”
(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 174-177)
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J. Golden Kimball: Any man who tries to do the right thing and continues to try, is not a failure in the sight of God. Dreyfus, a Jew of the French Army, was falsely accused by his associates because of jealousy and hatred, and it resulted in his losing his appointment, being disgraced and banished. He was afterwards proven innocent and reinstated with honors . . . sometimes it may be that men holding the Priesthood have exercised unrighteous dominion, and have accepted statements made by liars . . . God is merciful to His children. He is a good deal kinder to us than perhaps some who hold the priesthood are to each other . . . (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 96)
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