July 11

Comments you will never hear at a Ward Potluck Dinner:

May we please sit next to the window for a better view?

Hi. I am Shannon. I will be your waitress tonight.

Would you like to super size that?

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 47)

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“You may well fell proud of yourself, young fellow,” said a busy executor to a life insurance agent. “I’ve refused to see seven insurance men today.”

“I know,” said the agent. “I am ‘them.’”



Ed was having trouble with a tooth and finally decided to visit the dentist.

“It’s beyond help,” the dentist said. “We are going to have to pull that tooth.”

“How much will it cost?” asked Ed.

“Two hundred dollars,” answered the dentist.

“Two hundred dollars for five minutes’ work?” asked Ed, outraged.

“Calm down,” said the dentist. “I will make you a deal. If you would like me to, I’ll extract the tooth very slowly.”


Once while on assignment to a conference in Southern Utah, President George Albert Smith and Arthur Haycock stayed at the home of a rancher. Very successful in his enterprise, the rancher had taken little time to teach his children the importance of family prayer.

Still, when the two visitors came to breakfast the next morning, all the chairs had been turned out from the table in preparation for family prayer. President Smith proceeded to kneel and pray. After the prayer, the rancher’s six-year-old boy piped up, “Daddy, what was that man saying to the chair?” (Swinton, In the Company of Prophets, 40-41)

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 185-196)

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J. Golden Kimball: I desire to read a little extract from “Impressions,” by Charles Erskine Scott Wood: “Where any number of men are gathered together, there are sure to be some better than others; some more rational, and some less intelligent than others. There are good lawyers and bad lawyers, intellectual doctors and stupid doctors, [I have learned that in the last three years] wise clergymen and foolish clergymen...” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 100)

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