July 14

I was sometimes told by my children that my family prayers were too long, so when my husband told our children in Family Home Evening, “If you children don’t behave, I am going to ask your mother to say the closing prayer” (Ruth Bacon)

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"Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like bananas"

(Dennis McKay)

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Fun questions to think about:

Who would you least like to meet in a dark deserted alley?

Gadianton, Goliath, Cain, or Laman

Who would you rather have as your bodyguard while in that dark alley?

General Moroni, Ammon, David, or Orrin Porter Rockwell

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 49)

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A young boy came down to breakfast one morning and said, “Dad, I dreamed about you last night.”

“About me? What did you dream?”

“I dreamed I was climbing a ladder to heaven, and on the way up I had to write one of my sins on each step of the ladder.”

“Where did I come into your dream?” the father asked.

“When I was going up, I met you coming down for more chalk” (New Era, Jan. 1973, 22).


A young man inherited his uncle’s very intelligent Amazon parrot. The parrot was no prize, however. He had a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. The nephew tried everything he could think of, None of it made a bit of difference. If he yelled at the parrot, the parrot squawked back. If he asked politely, the bird mimicked his nice words and interspersed them with profanities.

Finally, absolutely exasperated, the nephew stuck the parrot in the freezer. “This will teach him a thing or two,” he said. The bird kicked and banged and squawked and swore---then suddenly turned quiet. The nephew listened. There wasn’t a sound. Oh, no, he thought. He quickly flung open the freezer door. The parrot stepped out onto his outstretched arm. “I must say,” the parrot said, I am truly sorry that I have offended you with my language and my attitude. Please forgive me. I assure you I will never behave in such a manner again.” The nephew was amazed. How could the parrot have changed so suddenly and so completely? He was about to ask when the parrot continued. “I have just one question. May I ask what the chicken (I saw in the freezer) did?”

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 215)

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J. Golden Kimball: Some of us become very impatient with each other because we fancy we are better than others, and we become angry with our fellow men because they will not do as well as we do. I love the Lord because He causes it to rain upon the just and the unjust...I thank God the Eternal Father that up to the present I have had the spirit of repentance, and while it has kept me pretty busy repenting, I hope I will always have that spirit. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 122)

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So, You’re a primary Teacher! , p. 74

So, You’re a primary Teacher!, p. 74