July 2

Brown’s Axioms for Latter-day Saints:

The more you try to coax your toddler down from the stand, the closer he will get to the organ.

When you wait until 11:30 Saturday night to buy something at the grocery store, someone ahead of you will buy the last one.

The Bishop will show up at your home unexpectedly about five minutes after your two-year-old son destroys the living room.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 39)

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Mary Ellen Edmunds: Years ago I heard a story about a large family that went on vacation. Mostly they bought food in grocery stores to save money, but once in a while they went to a restaurant. They always caused a stir, as there were so many of them.

On one such adventure, they finally got seated, and the waitress was taking their orders. She took a few orders and then got to a boy about seven years old. “And what would you like?” she asked. He looked over at his mother, who he thought had already ordered for him. His mother was busy with the other children, so he said, “I’ll have a hot dog!”

At that moment his mother heard him and said, “Oh, no, he will have what the rest of the younger children are having.”

The waitress didn’t seem to hear her and continued looking at the boy. “What would you like on your hot dog?” The boy squirmed a bit, but then excitedly told the waitress what he wanted on the hot dog. She wrote it down and left for the kitchen.

The little boy was amazed. He couldn’t believe it. He turned to his mother and said, “She thinks I am real.” (Edmunds, Love Is a Verb, 30-31).

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Norma J. Ashton: Oliver Wendell Holmes was only about five feet tall. In a large meeting he was the shortest person in attendance. A man said to him, “Don’t you feel a little uncomfortable being so short among all these taller men?” “Yes,” Mr. Holmes replied, “I feel like a dime among pennies” (The Joys of Testimony,” Joy, 31).

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 117)

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J. Golden Kimball: I have not been tried yet, but I know I will be tried if I stay in this Church. I know that I cannot live on borrowed light. You can talk and preach and expound until you are blue in the face, but if you do not know that Jesus is the Christ, you will never stay in this Church. (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 71)

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Mission Mania , p. 61

Mission Mania, p. 61