July 3

If these people were living today:

Would Nephi be a travel guide?

Would Samson be a world champion body builder?

Would King Benjamin be a famous lecturer?

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 39)

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A young college student had stayed up most of the night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them, with a sack over each bird so only their legs were showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds’ legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, and so on.

The student looked at the birds’ legs. They all looked the same to him. He had studied other data about the birds, not their legs. He began to get upset. How was he was suppose to identify the birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he became. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor’s desk and said, “How can anyone tell the names of the birds by looking at their legs?” With that the student put his test down on the professor’s desk and walked to the door.

The class was so big that the professor didn’t know every student, so as the student reached the door, the professor called, “Wait, what is your name?”

The student pulled up his pant legs and said, “You guess, professor! You guess!”

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In Primary one day, Sister Hanson asked Rob, a young sports fanatic, “Who defeated the Nephites?”

Rob’s answer: “I dunno. If they don’t play the Forty-niners, I don’t keep track of them.”

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 122)

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J. Golden Kimball: “I am not going to announce any blood and thunder doctrine to you today. I have not been radical for four long months, not since I had appendicitis. I came very nearly being operated upon. I thought I was going to die for a few hours. People said to me, ‘Why, brother Kimball, you needn’t be afraid; you will get Justice,’ ‘Well,’ I said, ‘that is what I am afraid of.’ Well, now the Latter-day Saints need not get frightened; they will get Justice. You have been fed on a rich diet during this conference, and now I will give you a little coarse food to go along with that.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 73)

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