July 4

If these people were living today:

Would Esther be an ambassador?

Would Hagoth be a Navy recruiter?

Would Ammon have a black belt in karate?

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 39)

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J. Golden Kimball: I am going to ask you a few questions, and will let you answer them. If you don’t know enough to answer them, then you don’t know as much as I do (Conference Report, Oct.1 917, 135).


A lad once asked Mozart how to write a symphony. Mozart said, “You are a very young man. Why not begin with ballads?”

The aspiring young boy urged, “You composed symphonies when you were ten years old.”

“Yes,” replied Mozart, “but I didn’t ask how.”


An acquaintance once asked Abraham Lincoln, “You seem like a simple man. Don’t you sometimes find the presidency, with all its trappings and ceremonies, rather tiresome?”

“Yes,” Lincoln replied. “In fact, I feel sometimes like a man who was ridden out of town on a rail, and said: ‘If it wasn’t for the honor of the thing, I think I would rather walk!’”

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 125-130)

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J. Golden Kimball: A man had a mule which balked, and he could not get it to move; so he went into a drug store and asked the druggist if he had anything that he thought would make the mule move. The druggist went out and injected something in the region of the ribs of the mule. Immediately thereafter the man saw a streak of dust, and the mule went flying over the hill. The man went back to the druggist and said, “How much did that injection cost?” The druggist replied, “Twenty-five cents.” “Well,” said the man, “could you put fifty cents worth in me now, so I can catch my mule.” (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 80)

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