July 8

You are probably a descendant of a Pioneer if:

Your brother’s middle name is Hyrum.

You have wished that seagulls could swoop down and save your house from spiders.

You have never gone to work on July 24th.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 44)

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Sometimes I wake up Grumpy on P-day, but sometimes I let my companion sleep in.

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Elder Timms loved to cook–but his meals often left much to be desired. One day his companion came into the kitchen and saw him crying as he heated a pan of soup.

“What’s the matter, Elder?” Bad news from home? A ‘Dear John’?”

“No, it’s worse! I made some meatloaf for our dinner tonight, but the neighbor’s cat got in and ate the whole thing.”

“It’s okay Elder. We can get our neighbor another cat.”

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William W. Seegmiller: Elder Thomas E. McKay inferred that some of the mission presidents, in reporting their labors to the Quorum of the Twelve, did not pay due recognition and homage to the service of their wives...The other day I was seeking the home of a returned Brazilian missionary. I found their residence and rang the door bell. A lady came to the door...I said: “I am President Seegmiller of the Brazilian Mission.” She said, “Oh, President Seegmiller, our son loves you so much–and he especially loves Sister Seegmiller.” There are parents of 500 missionaries who feel the same way. So it seems to me that my puny efforts at expressing my appreciation for my missionary companion are all unnecessary (Conference Report, Oct. 1945, 146).

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 148)

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J. Golden Kimball: I have never been ashamed to testify to the divinity of this work, when I felt that I had the Spirit of God. I have held the name of the Prophet Joseph Smith as sacred. When I was in the mission field, I said to the Elders, whenever you are moved upon by the Spirit of God, and the spirit of testimony, you are to testify that Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God, and I promise you it will make you all the trouble you can bear (Conference Report, Apr. 1908, 115). (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 99)

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