July 9

As Luck would have it:

If I plan a picnic, blue skies will turn to rain.

If I buy a sure-fire stock, the market will go down.

If I attempt a kindly deed, my patience soon grows thin.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 46)

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Brigham Young: Some Elders have conveyed the idea that our religion is only spiritual. We would be sorry if this were the case. A little reflection will show them their mistake. Did you ever have sore feet and aching limbs while traveling abroad preaching the Gospel? “Yes.” Was that practical or was it only spiritual? After walking twenty-five miles to fill an appointment, and before eating a mouthful of food, preaching an hour or two, and then baptizing two people, and then wading through the mud for miles in wet clothes before you could get a dry sock or something to eat-- was that practical? I thought preaching the Gospel was as nigh manual labour as anything I could work at (Journal of Discourses 9:285).

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Husband: “Hi, dear! I have got some good news and some bad news!”

Wife: “What is it?”

Husband: “First, the good news. We don’t have to move to a more expensive apartment after all! And second, the bad news. Guess why? Our landlord has raised our rent.”

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A farmer who had just planted a large field of corn commented to his neighbor, “I surely hope I ‘break even’ this year! It would be great to have a little money for next year’s crops!”

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 150-159)

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J. Golden Kimball: Our hearts are set too much upon the things of this world, and some aspire to the honors of men. That is our weakness, the weakness of the human family. If you ever change some men along that line, you will have to grind them over, for they have got it burned into their souls, and they love the honors of men...It matters not what position a man holds in the Church. If he uses any unrighteous dominion, it is amen to the Priesthood that he holds... (J. Golden Kimball, His Sermons, December 1891-April 1938, edited by Bonnie Taylor, 94)

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